I am looking forward to the year A.D. 2015 tremendously! Let's all pray God to give us a blessed year! Also, eagerly anticipating the second advent of the Christ! What a glorious day that will be! Merry Christmas to all! Happy Hanukkah to all! Happy Kwanzaa to all! Happy New Year to all! God bless!
A reading from the Holy Gospel according to Saint Luke
Mary said:
“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.
for he has looked upon his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
and has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children for ever.”
Mary remained with Elizabeth about three months
and then returned to her home.
The Gospel of the Lord. Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ.
Maranatha, maranatha, maranatha Lord Jesus!
Kyrie Eleison,
Christe Eleison,
Kyrie Eleison!
Yours in Christ,
With Love,
Jason M.P.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
God bless ALL Veterans and Public Servants
Today, Tuesday November 11th, 2014, in the United States of America, we
celebrate Veterans Day. Today is a great day to call to mind, and pray
for, all past, present and future Veterans. All who have ever served in a
war, fought for freedom, Truth, Justice and righteousness. All who ever
took an oath to uphold and protect their fellow man, even with their life if
necessary. All who are in public office, whether a politician, from the
President to selectmen, all who are first responders, from police officers to
firefighters, paramedics, God bless them all.
Remember all the warriors from the past and the present. Remember the mighty anointed one, Cyrus, who freed Israel from Babylonian dominion. Remember the Judges and warriors, the monarchy, King Saul, King David, the virtue-warrior, who slayed Goliath, the vice-warrior.
Remember the Master-Warrior, Jesus Christ, the King of Warriors, the General of Heavens Armies, the King of Kings and LORD of lords.
Pray for me, brethren, and pray for all Warriors, Veterans and Servants on this day we call Veterans Day.
God be with us, now and forever,
Yours in Christ,
Jason Prewara
IC XC NIKA
Remember all the warriors from the past and the present. Remember the mighty anointed one, Cyrus, who freed Israel from Babylonian dominion. Remember the Judges and warriors, the monarchy, King Saul, King David, the virtue-warrior, who slayed Goliath, the vice-warrior.
Remember the Master-Warrior, Jesus Christ, the King of Warriors, the General of Heavens Armies, the King of Kings and LORD of lords.
Pray for me, brethren, and pray for all Warriors, Veterans and Servants on this day we call Veterans Day.
God be with us, now and forever,
Yours in Christ,
Jason Prewara
IC XC NIKA
Monday, November 10, 2014
Modern Catholic Living
Being a Catholic in today's world is not an easy thing. Wherever you go in the world, it seems the Church is suffering persecution. In the middle-east, especially Iraq and Syria, but also Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Iran, Pakistan, Christians are persecuted even to the point of death. Being of an Islamic background and committing "apostasy" for coming to believe in Jesus for who He really is (the Son of God, not some kind of illusion and lie like the Quran claims He is) is punishable by death. And middle-eastern nations are not the only nations persecuting us. Muslim nations all over the world, from Asia to Africa, Indonesia to Tunisia, the four corners of the earth even, are persecuting the Church. And I'm not singling out Muslims. Muslims are not the only ones who hate Catholic-Christians, and not all Muslims hate Christians. A large majority of Muslims are peaceful with their Christian brothers and sisters, but many Muslim "pharisees" who sit in judgement under Sharia are not so merciful.
And Christianity is not just being persecuted in the Muslim world. Christianity is being persecuted in the secular world as well. Our great nation, the United States of America, hates Christianity. Oh sure, all the founding fathers were either Christians, or Theistic-Deistic believers in religious freedom, but Christianity is no longer welcome in our great nation. And the false form of "Christianity" which 75% of Americans claim to be, is not Christianity at all. Christianity is living in the world, but not being of the world. Christianity is both living the Gospel, AND preaching the Gospel. Christianity is taking up your cross DAILY, putting all things under Christ, and bringing all thoughts into Captivity of Christ. Only 22% of Americans "Christians" are Catholic. I feel like I'm being too statistical, but these numbers mean something.
These numbers mean that those of us who are trying to live a truly devout life, are a small minority. We are, I really believe. And like many minorities, with that comes discrimination, misunderstanding, and persecution. And no great wonder! For what did they do to Jesus? The Great Prophet Isaiah, looking nearly 800 years into the future through the Mighty Spirit of God, proclaims "Despised, and the most abject of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with infirmity: and his look was as it were hidden and despised, whereupon we esteemed him not.
And Christianity is not just being persecuted in the Muslim world. Christianity is being persecuted in the secular world as well. Our great nation, the United States of America, hates Christianity. Oh sure, all the founding fathers were either Christians, or Theistic-Deistic believers in religious freedom, but Christianity is no longer welcome in our great nation. And the false form of "Christianity" which 75% of Americans claim to be, is not Christianity at all. Christianity is living in the world, but not being of the world. Christianity is both living the Gospel, AND preaching the Gospel. Christianity is taking up your cross DAILY, putting all things under Christ, and bringing all thoughts into Captivity of Christ. Only 22% of Americans "Christians" are Catholic. I feel like I'm being too statistical, but these numbers mean something.
These numbers mean that those of us who are trying to live a truly devout life, are a small minority. We are, I really believe. And like many minorities, with that comes discrimination, misunderstanding, and persecution. And no great wonder! For what did they do to Jesus? The Great Prophet Isaiah, looking nearly 800 years into the future through the Mighty Spirit of God, proclaims "Despised, and the most abject of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with infirmity: and his look was as it were hidden and despised, whereupon we esteemed him not.
Surely
he hath borne our infirmities and carried our sorrows: and we have
thought him as it were a leper, and as one struck by God and afflicted.
But
he was wounded for our iniquities, he was bruised for our sins: the
chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his bruises we are
healed."
So there you have it. He was despised, He was looked on even as a leper. But He did it to bear our infirmities and carry our sorrows. So what should we think of when the world persecutes us? Has God abandoned us? I trough not. Jesus said we'd have persecution in this world. He said we'd be hated by many, and what did He tell us to think when it happens? "Rejoice, and be exceeding glad, for so persecuted they the prophets that came before you". So there you have it. When we hear of Christian priests being beheaded in Iraq, first we should pray for them, then we should thank God for His Holy Priests. Thank God for blessing His Priests with the utmost honor, the honor of being baptized in blood for Christ, the honor of receiving a martyrs crown, the honor of being brought directly into His Presence for giving their lives a witness for His Holy Name.
Should we falter when we are persecuted? Shall we disdain the name of the Lord our God? Not if we are Christians, we shalt not. I pray God to give all of you, my brothers and sisters, the strength to literally stick out our necks and do what St. Paul the Apostle did. Pour ourselves out as a libation to the Great God and Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ. I pray the Lord Jesus to strengthen us as He strengthened St. Pope Peter the Apostle, when St. Peter stretched out his arms and was brought where he would not, but had to, in order to fulfill the will of God. I pray the Holy Spirit to sanctify us, so that we, like King Jesus and St. Stephen the Archdeacon and Protomartry, may have the love and forgiveness, the grace and the mercy, to pray for and bless our persecutors, even as they are crucifying, stoning, beheading, flaying, shooting, or whatever other grizzly execution method they can use on our bodies they can come up with. I pray we may NEVER fear those who can kill the body, but then can do no more. I pray we may uphold the Saviors Word, that we should NOT fear those who kill the body, but that we should fear Him, who after the body is dead, can kill the SOUL in HELL.
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, Have mercy on us!
Kyrie Eleison, Christe Eleison, Kyrie Eleison!
St. Pope Peter the Apostle, pray for us!
St. Paul the Apostle, pray for us!
St. Stephen the Protomarty, pray for us!
St. Michael the Archangel, pray for us!
St. Mother Mary, Queen of Saints and Heaven, pray for us!
Lord have mercy,
Maranatha, Maranatha, Maranatha!
Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus!
The Spirit and the bride saith: come Lord Jesus! Come Quickly!
Alleluiah!
Amen and Amen!
Thursday, November 6, 2014
The End is Nigh! Repent, for the Kingom of Heaven draws near!
I'm no fear monger, and as a Catholic, we do not believe in a "rapture" or a lot of the apocalyptic nonsense you hear of.
However, we DO believe Jesus will come in the clouds of Heaven, and the whole earth will see Him, and mourn, and all those in the graves will be risen and their soul/spirits will be reunited with their bodies, and they will all be judged, all approximately 100+ billion human beings who have ever walked earth, will stand before the Great and Mighty God and face His Judgement.
The end could come by the time I'm done posting this. It could come tomorrow, or in a day, a week, a year or a month. It could come in our generation, or it could be another millennium. Only God knows.
However, Jesus said for us to watch, stay awake, and be alert in prayer. He also said there would be signs, so we could discern the times.
There are a lot of videos on youtube, and you can research things yourself, the prophecies and the news articles along with how you see life going along daily, and realize.... things are not right.
We need Jesus.
Maranatha, Maranatha, Maranatha!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjZ7OBH7-1E
Watch this video and do some research..... and most of all...
DO PENANCE!
God bless
Yours in Christ
Jason Prewara
IC XC NIKA
However, we DO believe Jesus will come in the clouds of Heaven, and the whole earth will see Him, and mourn, and all those in the graves will be risen and their soul/spirits will be reunited with their bodies, and they will all be judged, all approximately 100+ billion human beings who have ever walked earth, will stand before the Great and Mighty God and face His Judgement.
The end could come by the time I'm done posting this. It could come tomorrow, or in a day, a week, a year or a month. It could come in our generation, or it could be another millennium. Only God knows.
However, Jesus said for us to watch, stay awake, and be alert in prayer. He also said there would be signs, so we could discern the times.
There are a lot of videos on youtube, and you can research things yourself, the prophecies and the news articles along with how you see life going along daily, and realize.... things are not right.
We need Jesus.
Maranatha, Maranatha, Maranatha!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjZ7OBH7-1E
Watch this video and do some research..... and most of all...
DO PENANCE!
God bless
Yours in Christ
Jason Prewara
IC XC NIKA
A reflection on my previous post
To piggy back on my post from yesterday, first let me give you a little background into my own spirit (or soul, the two seem to be used interchangeably by many, and the confusion seems to stem back even to the Latin and Greek root words). I am a recovering drug addict. Since August of 2013 I have been clean, 99% of the time, from ALL substances, thanks be to God for methadone. Remember when the Scriptures say thus: Sirach 38:1-4, 7 -
Honour the physician for the need thou hast of him: for the most High hath created him.
Honour the physician for the need thou hast of him: for the most High hath created him.
For all healing is from God, and he shall receive gifts of the king.
The skill of the physician shall lift up his head, and in the sight of great men he shall be praised.
The most High hath created medicines out of the earth, and a wise man will not abhor them.
By these he shall cure and
shall allay their pains, and of these the pharmacist shall make many medicines, and shall make up ointments of health, and of his works
there shall be no end.
So to anyone who says medicine is bad, or methadone treatment is un-biblical, I say: your issue is with God and His Word, not with medicine, the AMA, the FDA, SAMHSA or any other group of people. Anyways, when I was speaking with my counselor today, she reminded me of something.
All things can be used for good or bad. In the beginning when God created heaven and Earth, he looked back on His works, and what did he say? Genesis 1:31 And God saw all the things that he had made, and they were very good. And the evening and morning were the sixth day.
So at the end of the sixth creation age, probably about 2 million years ago, God was done creating, and He rested the seventh day. We are currently in His sabbath day, the day of His rest. He is resting from creation, waiting to restore creation to it's full glory which will be the 8th and final and infinite day - "age".
Anyways, all things can be used for good or bad. Heroin, chemically diacetylmorphine, can be used for good or bad. In the U.K, heroin is prescribed as Diamorphine and given to dying cancer patients. It alleviates their pain and gives them relief while they are dying. This is good and righteous, and I'm sure God would approve. Also though, in the U.K., people fake pain and get prescribed diamorphine, and sell it to people who inject it. This is bad, and I'm sure God DISPROVES.
My point is all things can be used for good or evil. A gun can be used to kill somebody attacking your family, a gun can can be used to rob an innocent grandmother of her purse. A knife can be used to prepare a delicious steak, a knife can be used to slit your wrists. Duality. Good vs Evil, Light vs Dark, Truth vs Lies, Angels vs Demons, Virtues vs Vice, this is Life. If you can't handle Life, I don't know what to tell you, besides seek Jesus, because He is Life, He is Truth, and He is the Way.
Heroin is the best tool in the devils tool bag, in my personal opinion. Nothing can change a person quicker or take possession of a persons soul faster than diacetylmorphine injected intravenously, instantly crossing the blood brain barrier and releasing a flood of dopamine and endogenous opioids called endorphins and enkephalins, that create a feeling that is a thousand times more potent than orgasm. And we don't all know how an I.V. shot of highly pure Heroin feels, but we do all know how good orgasm feels. Imagine the addictiveness of orgasm and sexual addiction and the strength thereof. It's nothing compared to heroin. This is why, in my opinion, coupled with the extreme levels of tolerance, dependence, and withdrawal, I think Heroin is the most insidious, insipid, sinful and evil drug ever invented by man. I can picture Jesus weeping the day in the year of our Lord 1874, when C.R. Alder Wright, an English chemist working at St Marys Hospital Medical School in London synthesized heroin (diacetylmorphine) from Morphine, He boiled anhydrous morphine alkaloid with acetic anhydride for several hours and produced a more potent, acetylated form of morphine, now called diacetylmorphine or morphine diacetate . I think it's ironic that C.R. Wright was working at St. Marys hospital. I imagine the Virgin Mary shed many tears that such an insipid substance was synthesized in a medical lab that took her namesake. Lord have mercy, Holy Mother Mary, pray for us!
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist. The greatest tool in the devil's tool bag is heroin. The devil knows his time is running out, and Jesus is going to crush the head of the serpent as has been prophesied since the dawn of civilization. Heroin is another one of those chemicals that opens up channels in our minds that are not meant to be open. These are not natural chemicals. Heroin is a semi-synthetic chemical which was synthesized from a naturally occurring substance which was taken out of its place in the opium poppy in a lab. Again, these drugs have a long history, a lot of good has come from them, but a lot of bad, especially with heroin. When a person becomes addicted to heroin, they are no longer themselves. They are now the demon called Heroin. They are a walking, talking, demonic possession, and they are possessed because of a small powdery substance that is active at the microgram level. Isn't it amazing how the true proverb, big things come in small packages, speaks? Isn't it scary how such a seemingly innocuous substance can turn a person from a God-fearing, saintly, loving person, into a raving, dope fiend, crazed drug addict, with one single shot? Demons are real my friends, and they are not only bodiless minds. The devil has many tools, and some are substances on this earth.
I will end my post with a quote from St. Pope Peter the Apostle, from his first epistle, chapter V, verses VIII - XI -
I will end my post with a quote from St. Pope Peter the Apostle, from his first epistle, chapter V, verses VIII - XI -
Be sober and watch: because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour.
Whom resist ye, strong in faith: knowing that the same affliction befalls your brethren who are in the world.
But
the God of all grace, who hath called us into his eternal glory in
Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a little, will himself perfect
you, and confirm you, and establish you.
To him be glory and empire for ever and ever. Amen.
Amen St. Peter,
Amen!
St. Pope Peter the Apostle, Pray for us!
St. Paul the Apostle, pray for us!
Queen of Saints and Heaven, Holy Mother Mary, pray for us!
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us from the schemes of the devils and pray for us!
St. Raphael the Archangel, pray for us!
St. Jason the Apostle, pray for us!
May the Grace of God the Father,
and the Peace of his Son Jesus Christ,
and the Sanctification of the Spirit of Holiness,
be with all of you, my brothers and sisters.
Yours in Christ,
Jason Prewara
IC XC NIKA
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
What happens to those in a Persistant Vegetative State (PVS) or similarly brain-impaired people
What happens to a person when they fall into a coma, or worse, a coma that lasts for an indefinite period, a Persistent Vegetative State or PVS, a la Terry Schiavo. What are the implications for us when Grandma, a devout Catholic all her life, at the age of 92, develops Alzheimer's and can no longer remember her husband who died and doesn't remember who the man on he Cross in her room is?
What are we, as Catholics, supposed to make of these things?
My thoughts on this subject, my thoughts on this subject are many. My wife and I had a conversation whilst walking home from the market today, and the subject came up. My view is this - man is tripartite. That is, man is made in the Image of God, God is One in Three and Three is One, and Man is One in Three and Three in One. Man is made up of three distinct parts. One - body. Here on Earth, our body is probably the most important part of our being. Aquinas called us the crowning animal. Our bodies are the epitome of billions of years of evolution guided by Gods Providence, and what's amazing is a 13th century saint, LONG before Charles Darwin in the 19th century, said this and was basically right on about such things as evolutionary biology and abiogenesis, but I digress.
Our bodies are intricate in understanding the connection of body, soul and spirit (the human trinity, if you will). Without our bodies, we cease to be human in the fullest sense of the word, because God created humans with a body, not pure spirits such as angels and demons. We are not bodiless minds. We have minds which function in a body, with an immaterial soul and spirit powering our embodied minds.
But what happens when the mind of the body malfunctions? Isn't this proof that the soul and spirit don't exist, that they are just figments of our imaginations? Absolutely not! All it proves is that the mind of our body exists simply as a broker or inter agent between spirit, soul, and body. See, the soul is easy to explain away, in a way. The soul is simply the animating agent of our bodies, and it is immaterial but connected to material in this life. At the moment of death, the soul and spirit detach together as one, and return to God. But the soul is simply the animating principle of life on earth, for all creatures, not just man.
Man is imbued with a third aspect, which creates a difficulty for our dilemma. Man has an immortal, immaterial SPIRIT as well. There are three kinds of spirit - the Spirit of God, the Ultimate Mind. The bodiless minds - the Spirits of the Angels and Heavenly Host, pure beings of consciousness who help drive the world around us and accomplish Gods will. And the spirit of man. The spirit of man is, obviously, linked closely with the Spirit of God. That's another discussion.
How does a man, who is supposedly contained in his spirit, his life, his emotions, his ego, his id, his superego, all his "freudianisms", have an immortal spirit that contains all his thoughts if when his mind becomes damaged, all seems lost? The answer lies in God. God being the Ultimate Mind, keeps our mind in tact, even if our mind is destroyed, it remains perfectly full and well in the Ultimate Mind. Remember, God is not the God of the dead but of the living, for all live to Him. Even if a persons mind (in the body) is destroyed, it is preserved in the Mind.
The body acts as a receiver for the Spirit, and the receiver can become broken. A television or radio with a broken antenna will receive a fuzzy signal. A mind malfunctioning with schizophrenia will receive a fuzzy signal. This is also where schizophrenia and spirits come into play. Spirits can affect the physical mind of man to the point where his mind malfunctions and sees things that aren't there - in this realm. They are there on a higher plane, but not on this realm. This is why many schizophrenics claim to see demons - they really are seeing demonic beings, but it's because there mind has been altered from the point God made it (good) to bad (corrupted by whatever influences, genetics, nature, whatever). This is why anti psychotic drugs can work to stop hallucinations in schizophrenics. It's not that the demons they were seeing wasn't real, it's that their mind was malfunctioning in a way that allow them to see things they aren't supposed to see. It's also the reason why men who have tried playing God and created a device that let people "see angels" when they stimulate certain parts of the brain did the same thing. They do not understand what they are peeking into. They are not meant to see the spiritual on this side of heaven, unless God wants them to for a reason. This is why entheogens fail also. Opening up your mind to divine realities should be done with prayer, not man made chemicals, tools, computers, or anything else. When the people using the "God helmet" put the helmet on, they were allowing themselves to see what surrounds them all the time. They changed the normal process of the brain, and mucked with it to the point where they can see things that they are not supposed to see. Remember those old cable boxes, where you could get them bugged and pickup HBO and skin channels? It's the same principle. They are not supposed to do this though, it is against nature. God does not want us ingesting poison mushrooms to "expand our minds" because it is against nature.
I feel like I've babbled a lot and talked about many random things, so I'll go even more random. Here's something I was scribbling in Word before I came on blogspot, and I'm not going to edit it, just copy paste, then I'm done with this post.
What are we, as Catholics, supposed to make of these things?
My thoughts on this subject, my thoughts on this subject are many. My wife and I had a conversation whilst walking home from the market today, and the subject came up. My view is this - man is tripartite. That is, man is made in the Image of God, God is One in Three and Three is One, and Man is One in Three and Three in One. Man is made up of three distinct parts. One - body. Here on Earth, our body is probably the most important part of our being. Aquinas called us the crowning animal. Our bodies are the epitome of billions of years of evolution guided by Gods Providence, and what's amazing is a 13th century saint, LONG before Charles Darwin in the 19th century, said this and was basically right on about such things as evolutionary biology and abiogenesis, but I digress.
Our bodies are intricate in understanding the connection of body, soul and spirit (the human trinity, if you will). Without our bodies, we cease to be human in the fullest sense of the word, because God created humans with a body, not pure spirits such as angels and demons. We are not bodiless minds. We have minds which function in a body, with an immaterial soul and spirit powering our embodied minds.
But what happens when the mind of the body malfunctions? Isn't this proof that the soul and spirit don't exist, that they are just figments of our imaginations? Absolutely not! All it proves is that the mind of our body exists simply as a broker or inter agent between spirit, soul, and body. See, the soul is easy to explain away, in a way. The soul is simply the animating agent of our bodies, and it is immaterial but connected to material in this life. At the moment of death, the soul and spirit detach together as one, and return to God. But the soul is simply the animating principle of life on earth, for all creatures, not just man.
Man is imbued with a third aspect, which creates a difficulty for our dilemma. Man has an immortal, immaterial SPIRIT as well. There are three kinds of spirit - the Spirit of God, the Ultimate Mind. The bodiless minds - the Spirits of the Angels and Heavenly Host, pure beings of consciousness who help drive the world around us and accomplish Gods will. And the spirit of man. The spirit of man is, obviously, linked closely with the Spirit of God. That's another discussion.
How does a man, who is supposedly contained in his spirit, his life, his emotions, his ego, his id, his superego, all his "freudianisms", have an immortal spirit that contains all his thoughts if when his mind becomes damaged, all seems lost? The answer lies in God. God being the Ultimate Mind, keeps our mind in tact, even if our mind is destroyed, it remains perfectly full and well in the Ultimate Mind. Remember, God is not the God of the dead but of the living, for all live to Him. Even if a persons mind (in the body) is destroyed, it is preserved in the Mind.
The body acts as a receiver for the Spirit, and the receiver can become broken. A television or radio with a broken antenna will receive a fuzzy signal. A mind malfunctioning with schizophrenia will receive a fuzzy signal. This is also where schizophrenia and spirits come into play. Spirits can affect the physical mind of man to the point where his mind malfunctions and sees things that aren't there - in this realm. They are there on a higher plane, but not on this realm. This is why many schizophrenics claim to see demons - they really are seeing demonic beings, but it's because there mind has been altered from the point God made it (good) to bad (corrupted by whatever influences, genetics, nature, whatever). This is why anti psychotic drugs can work to stop hallucinations in schizophrenics. It's not that the demons they were seeing wasn't real, it's that their mind was malfunctioning in a way that allow them to see things they aren't supposed to see. It's also the reason why men who have tried playing God and created a device that let people "see angels" when they stimulate certain parts of the brain did the same thing. They do not understand what they are peeking into. They are not meant to see the spiritual on this side of heaven, unless God wants them to for a reason. This is why entheogens fail also. Opening up your mind to divine realities should be done with prayer, not man made chemicals, tools, computers, or anything else. When the people using the "God helmet" put the helmet on, they were allowing themselves to see what surrounds them all the time. They changed the normal process of the brain, and mucked with it to the point where they can see things that they are not supposed to see. Remember those old cable boxes, where you could get them bugged and pickup HBO and skin channels? It's the same principle. They are not supposed to do this though, it is against nature. God does not want us ingesting poison mushrooms to "expand our minds" because it is against nature.
I feel like I've babbled a lot and talked about many random things, so I'll go even more random. Here's something I was scribbling in Word before I came on blogspot, and I'm not going to edit it, just copy paste, then I'm done with this post.
When one becomes brain damaged, you can see that the spirit
has been affected. Not in Gods eyes, no,
in Gods eyes, the person’s spirit remains the same, and were the person to die,
the persons faculties will be restored fully, in fact more so, seeing as now we
see through a glass that is dim, but then we shall see clearly. However, when a person is brain damaged,
their “radio, or receiver” if you will, has malfunctioned. There material brain can no longer interact correctly
with the immaterial spirit. It is
receiving the input from the spirit, but it’s misfiring. It’s like a computer with a bad hard
drive. The memory is there, but the
computer can’t read it for whatever reason.
It’s not lost, just inaccessible.
Such is the fate of those in a vegetative state or impaired
condition.
Grace and peace to all,
the Love of God the Father and the Son rest on us all,
and the Spirit of God sanctify you all,
Yours in Christ
Jason Prewara
IC XC NIKA
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
New England Catholic: I've made up my mind, this blog will be a spiritual diary
This blog is going to function as the spiritual diary of the journey of a soul of an American man and his Catholic Christian Faith. Thank you to Father Eric T. Delisle, my spiritual director for giving me this idea!
I love you all
I love you all and I thank you all who have read any of my blog posts. You mean the world to me, each and every one of you.
May we praise Jesus in One Accord all the days of our lives.
God bless,
Yours with Love,
IC XC NIKA
Jason
May we praise Jesus in One Accord all the days of our lives.
God bless,
Yours with Love,
IC XC NIKA
Jason
My groundbreaking experience of the Deity
This is a true account of what happened to me, Jason Michael Spyridon Prewara. The events took place over an approximate three month period, between about the 15th of October, 2010 - about the 15th of January 2011. I swear before God the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit that this is not a lie, not embellished, and is to the best of my recollection. I recorded this event for the first time in late January of 2011, and as time went by and I understood more of what happened, I expanded on the story and added some reflections, mostly in 2012, 2014, and again now in 2017.
I ask you to remember a few things when reading this. First, this is intensely personal to me. These are things I have a hard time speaking of with my wife, due to the extremely serious, emotional, solemn, and sometimes incredulous tones of the writing. This is all subjective experience, but I feel it is important for people to know my testimony. This is the defining moment of my life - I view my entire life worldview as pre-October 2010 and post-January 2011.
May the Lord bless us all, and God bless you for reading. Be easy, for I am not a good author by any stretch of the imagination, so bear with me.
Without further a due...
I AM
On or about October the 15th, 2010; I was staying in a psychiatric unit for yet another combined Drug Detox / Suicide watch stay. This was a unit in Nashua, located downtown, Keystone hall, there were many drug addicts in the city at the time, and they had a detox unit that was constantly full. After about 5 days of detoxing and increasing problems with the staff, I ended up leaving the psychiatric unit early, against medical advice, to go and abuse drugs and be with a female whom I met in the Unit. I ended up leaving and walked to the bus stop a mile down the road, and ended up meeting up with her because she had given me her number on the unit. I went to her house, and used drugs and alcohol with her. After spending the day with her becoming intoxicated, we retired to her quarters – a basement with a mattress and a bathroom about 20 feet away off to the side. Within a few minutes of retiring, we decided to get intimate.
After a period of time, I got up to go to the bathroom and relieve myself. I was on opiates so urinary retention is a somewhat common side effect. I couldn’t urinate and I shrugged it off to being on the opiates and didn’t think much. But this went on over the next few hours, I would try to urinate, but couldn’t, and I started panicking. And finally, after the beer from earlier and finishing sexual intercourse, I had to pee badly enough and could not that I began suspecting a problem. I became extremely panic stricken and I was starting to sober up, and I had always told myself I would NEVER EVER have a catheter in me, and told her we had to go to the ER and walked to St Joseph in Nashua NH at about 3am. Interestingly St Joseph is the first Catholic Parish I ever seriously got involved with and where I attended RCIA, where I was confirmed, and where my wife Sarah and I had our vows of Holy Matrimony. So to me, this is just another of many small sign of Gods Providence. Back to the story, I ended up in the ER, and was admitted in pretty quick, I must have looked pretty distressed, plus I was urgently telling them I felt my bladder was going to burst.
The doctors promptly proceeded to give me a once over, strip me and get me in a jonnie gown. This is when the real torture started, the trauma of this procedure along with my mind being clouded by drugs and alcohol combined with an unfamiliar situation and being tired after being up all night, I remember things after this point in a fuzzy way, but I remember certain things very certainly, vividly. Up to this point, my memory and cognizance had been nearly perfect, if slightly inhibited from the various substances I had ingested. The ER staff tried a regular urethral catheter directly into the penis, much to my dismay. I was screaming and crying and they had about 6 nurses holding me down while I screamed at the top of my lungs. The pain of something being stuck in my penis was worse than I ever imagined, it was truly traumatic. The catheter was not going in; there was something in my urethra clogging the way, so they had to do something much more painful and disgusting. They told me the urethra wasn’t working, so they were going to insert a ‘suprapubic’ catheter. It even sounds scary. They gave me a small amount of local anesthesia, cut a hole above my bladder, and inserted a catheter directly into it. Without too much disgusting detail, when they did this, I literally “popped” and urine went flying everywhere. However, I was very relieved. Thanks be to God. At one point the doctor said "I’m surprised you’ve been able to urinate at all for a while!” I wasn’t because I had been having no problem peeing at all. This was a completely sudden and random occurrence, so I have no idea when or how the blockage got in there. There were so many irregularities and odd things that happened and I can look back and see how God orchestrated everything, even though at the time I was 22 years old, agnostic at best, mostly atheist, and living as if I saw nothing of Gods Providence in the world, and in my life. The Doctors gave me an IV of a sedative called Versed, and then a general anesthetic and put me under for surgery – I was given emergency surgery because they had to remove the massive blockage or I’d be in big trouble, and the sedative combined with the anesthetic along with the remnants of the substances in my body was very hard on my body. I don’t remember, but apparently I almost didn’t make it through the surgery - I had somewhat of an adverse reaction to the anesthesia. This is when I have bits and pieces of a memory of an NDE, seeing bright lights, but this could just be my imagination so I’m not including it as anything other than a footnote. My witness is meant to be a testimony to Truth.
Eventually, from what was told to me, the Hospital I was at had given up on me and having to handcuff me to the bed every day to keep me from beating the daylights outta hospital staff (reminiscent of the demoniac and the seven sons of sceva, I believe I was being heavily oppressed by demonic spirits). I believe there was literally a battle between angels and demons going on in that hospital room for my soul. They would influence people and things around me in ways that leave me 100% convinced me that spirits control the world, and since God is the Lord of the Heavenly Armies, it really is the Lord Almighty who runs all things. The police were brought in and I was handcuffed plus leg shackled and led to a police Van where I was transported from St. Joseph Hospital in Nashua to the New Hampshire State Hospital in Concord about the first week of November, 2010). When I got there, my psychosis had convinced me the hospital staff were all possessed by demons and I spent the next 4 hours literally in a padded room, at random times having 8 or 10 psychiatric nurses and mental health workers have to come in and tackle me (I’m 6' tall and 220 pounds, and strong, and when in a fully psychotic state believing I was being attacked by demons, possibly literally being attacked by demons - you can imagine what they head to put up with, I actually punched a couple of them – which led to “in-house” charges being brought before a magistrate, but nothing came of it because I was so obviously besides myself but they didn’t press charges), and shoot me up with psychotropic drugs.
I finally calmed down halfway and one of the MHW's (mental health workers) convinced me he was just a person and not a demon or any supernatural being. I was let out of the padded room and given a regular room. I spent the night in a clouded, foggy haze, trying to put all the pieces together of what had happened to me over the past few weeks, and what was legitimate mental health problems and psychosis, along with what could have caused it, and also what spiritual things happened. (And now, years later, with much learning and wisdom granted me by God, I believe I spoke to the Angel of the LORD on the phone, I believe it was the same Angel of the LORD that spoke in the Old Testament and still speaks on occasion today. And I believe I had an NDE type experience, but the memory of that is almost completely faded, and only God knows if I will ever know more of it in this life, or will not know the truth of it all until I pass into the Heavenly Realm.
The next morning I woke up a shivering mess - I had a clear head and could hear people talking to me, but I was basically a vegetable - I drooled on myself, I shook from head to toe with intense tremors, I felt physically worse than I ever felt in my life, I could barely talk more than a couple words (ok, yes, no, love you - to my mom). This reminded me of the Gospels, when deaf and dumb spirits enter people, or “come upon them”, and before Jesus would cast them out, they would throw the afflicted person to the ground, and they would seize and gnash their teeth and hunch over into twisted positions. The naturalistic, secular, probably agnostic-atheist-apatheist doctors with all their PhD’s and degrees and wisdom of this world, could not figure out what was wrong with me. They tried various drugs and the drugs had no effect. Nothing they gave me made anything worse or better at all. I believe this was because a demonic agent was locked onto me and causing these ailments in my body. The Doctors suspected brain damage, concluded I may never return to my normal self and be left permanently a ‘vegetable’, and if I didn’t take anti-psychotic drugs such as Risperdal or olanzapine (Zyprexa) the rest of my life, I would surely go psychotic and have delusions and hallucinations. 6 weeks later I stopped taking all antipsychotic medicines, and I recovered fully and was fully back to normal by New Year’s 2011.
I stayed in the NHH for 2 weeks until I was declared sane enough to be released to a drug rehabs psychiatric unit in Brattleboro VT. I went there, and I refused to take the Risperdal (the anti-psychotic they had prescribed) anymore, because I knew I was not psychotic anymore and I was not in need of anti-psychotic drugs. Within 3 days of stopping the Risperdal, and starting a new medication called Zyprexa, I "miraculously" recovered and was once again completely normal - sane, lucid, not shaking or drooling, not brain damaged or brain dead, like the doctors had told my parents and scared them to death with, twice. The Zyprexa I believe did nothing for me, because I stopped taking it after 1 week on it, against doctors’ advice, they said I’d have delusions and hallucinations because I’m psychotic and need antipsychotics to not hallucinate or think delusional. Well it’s too bad religion isn’t in the DSM-V (at least not yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if the DSM-VI lists traditional religious beliefs – beliefs in angels, demons, heaven, hell, purgatory, God, Satan, the supernatural, miracles, Jesus, the Virgin Mary – will be classified as delusions – I believe this is going to happen because our society is systematically removing any and all references to religion and God and replacing it with “religious pluralism” and “religious tolerance”, saying “all religions are true” even though that’s an illogical statement because most religions, especially the big three Abrahamic religions, seriously contradict each other. Only one religion is absolutely, 100% true about God. That religion is Catholicism, the teachings of the 2,000 year old, 1 and ½ billion member strong religion that has ruled history and shaped modern history, the arts, literature, everything, is True Religion, and the reason why is because it is based on the True God, Jesus Christ, and the True Sacrifice He made, and the True Priesthood established by Aaron and continued down through to the Pharisees who trained the early Church in its theology and ecclesiology and the Apostles and Fathers inherited the teachings from Jesus and the Apostles and have faithfully passed them down to us today.
I ended up going to a 30 day in patient rehab program, and the entire time I was there I was encountering people talking to me through the Holy Spirit, I had several times where I would be praying to see Gods presence (I was a brand new Christian, and recovering from a lifetime of Atheism, remember this) and I would open my eyes, and see a homeless man standing there, close my eyes, open them again and he'd be gone. Everywhere I looked, I saw signs from God and I was constantly reminded that everything is determined and everything unfolds according to Gods Will - Not Mans as I had so believed my entire life. I prayed for God to keep reminding me of his presence and not let me grow from him. I did not comprehend Christianity fully and did not understand how Sin separates us from God and makes our hearts grow hard.
I ask you to remember a few things when reading this. First, this is intensely personal to me. These are things I have a hard time speaking of with my wife, due to the extremely serious, emotional, solemn, and sometimes incredulous tones of the writing. This is all subjective experience, but I feel it is important for people to know my testimony. This is the defining moment of my life - I view my entire life worldview as pre-October 2010 and post-January 2011.
May the Lord bless us all, and God bless you for reading. Be easy, for I am not a good author by any stretch of the imagination, so bear with me.
Without further a due...
I AM
On or about October the 15th, 2010; I was staying in a psychiatric unit for yet another combined Drug Detox / Suicide watch stay. This was a unit in Nashua, located downtown, Keystone hall, there were many drug addicts in the city at the time, and they had a detox unit that was constantly full. After about 5 days of detoxing and increasing problems with the staff, I ended up leaving the psychiatric unit early, against medical advice, to go and abuse drugs and be with a female whom I met in the Unit. I ended up leaving and walked to the bus stop a mile down the road, and ended up meeting up with her because she had given me her number on the unit. I went to her house, and used drugs and alcohol with her. After spending the day with her becoming intoxicated, we retired to her quarters – a basement with a mattress and a bathroom about 20 feet away off to the side. Within a few minutes of retiring, we decided to get intimate.
After a period of time, I got up to go to the bathroom and relieve myself. I was on opiates so urinary retention is a somewhat common side effect. I couldn’t urinate and I shrugged it off to being on the opiates and didn’t think much. But this went on over the next few hours, I would try to urinate, but couldn’t, and I started panicking. And finally, after the beer from earlier and finishing sexual intercourse, I had to pee badly enough and could not that I began suspecting a problem. I became extremely panic stricken and I was starting to sober up, and I had always told myself I would NEVER EVER have a catheter in me, and told her we had to go to the ER and walked to St Joseph in Nashua NH at about 3am. Interestingly St Joseph is the first Catholic Parish I ever seriously got involved with and where I attended RCIA, where I was confirmed, and where my wife Sarah and I had our vows of Holy Matrimony. So to me, this is just another of many small sign of Gods Providence. Back to the story, I ended up in the ER, and was admitted in pretty quick, I must have looked pretty distressed, plus I was urgently telling them I felt my bladder was going to burst.
The doctors promptly proceeded to give me a once over, strip me and get me in a jonnie gown. This is when the real torture started, the trauma of this procedure along with my mind being clouded by drugs and alcohol combined with an unfamiliar situation and being tired after being up all night, I remember things after this point in a fuzzy way, but I remember certain things very certainly, vividly. Up to this point, my memory and cognizance had been nearly perfect, if slightly inhibited from the various substances I had ingested. The ER staff tried a regular urethral catheter directly into the penis, much to my dismay. I was screaming and crying and they had about 6 nurses holding me down while I screamed at the top of my lungs. The pain of something being stuck in my penis was worse than I ever imagined, it was truly traumatic. The catheter was not going in; there was something in my urethra clogging the way, so they had to do something much more painful and disgusting. They told me the urethra wasn’t working, so they were going to insert a ‘suprapubic’ catheter. It even sounds scary. They gave me a small amount of local anesthesia, cut a hole above my bladder, and inserted a catheter directly into it. Without too much disgusting detail, when they did this, I literally “popped” and urine went flying everywhere. However, I was very relieved. Thanks be to God. At one point the doctor said "I’m surprised you’ve been able to urinate at all for a while!” I wasn’t because I had been having no problem peeing at all. This was a completely sudden and random occurrence, so I have no idea when or how the blockage got in there. There were so many irregularities and odd things that happened and I can look back and see how God orchestrated everything, even though at the time I was 22 years old, agnostic at best, mostly atheist, and living as if I saw nothing of Gods Providence in the world, and in my life. The Doctors gave me an IV of a sedative called Versed, and then a general anesthetic and put me under for surgery – I was given emergency surgery because they had to remove the massive blockage or I’d be in big trouble, and the sedative combined with the anesthetic along with the remnants of the substances in my body was very hard on my body. I don’t remember, but apparently I almost didn’t make it through the surgery - I had somewhat of an adverse reaction to the anesthesia. This is when I have bits and pieces of a memory of an NDE, seeing bright lights, but this could just be my imagination so I’m not including it as anything other than a footnote. My witness is meant to be a testimony to Truth.
I woke up from surgery and it was evening... I know anesthesia and drugs can
wear your mental state, but I’ve experimented with hallucinogens of all kinds
and I can distinguish between Salvia, Mushrooms, DXM, Ketamine, Marijuana and
Ecstasy vs GOD. Entheogens cannot
produce the same things the Mighty Theos can produce. Entheogens can open channels in your mind
which allow you to perceive things that exist around us. I am not writing a book on psychedelics or
pharmaceuticals, so no more talk of entheogens, hallucinogens, or any
pharmacological substances aside from what is pertinent to my testimony.
The most astounding event that I recalled, and I
believe this happened around 8pm the night of the surgery, the surgery I believe having taken place around 5am. On this first night after my recovery, I was laying in my
hospital bed, thinking of how I’ve got catheters in my pubic region, catheter in my urethra, my wrists, IV’s and all kinds of monitors, and thinking about the
events which brought me here. I was
bored watching television, just trying to relax in a tense environment. As I stated it was around 8 pm, maybe 9 by now, and I decided I’d try something
I didn’t believe in. I prayed. I prayed a very simple prayer. “God, I don’t know if you’re there or not,
but I need you and please just show me whether you are real or not.”
Nothing happened.
I knew God was not real. I
continued watching my television, and being disappointed, wishing I knew what
to do to change the circumstances and paths my life had taken thus far. All of a sudden, ‘like a mighty wind rushing
in’, and looking back this is where I believe an Angel of God / the Spirit of
God entered the room, because the air got thick, I felt a presence, and the
television screen, which worked normally all night, was malfunctioning in
bizarre ways, the color was changing randomly, and it seemed it was having
interference. I asked a nurse who was
checking up on me if they could see the television acting strange, and they
said they saw nothing and that it was normal, she looked at me kind of funny
because I must’ve seemed odd, she probably just thought I was loopy from meds
or something. However, I was not
loopy. At this point, I was the most
lucid and clear minded as I’d been in a while.
While the television looked normal to them, but to me it was not normal,
the voices were changing from slow to fast, the picture was changing colors,
and the television was acting bizarre, along with feeling a bizarre heavy
feeling ‘presence’ in the room with me.
There was a commercial on, for what, I do not know. This infomercial stuck out to me because the television stopped acting bizarre, and it was a clear picture. Something inside of me said “call the number”. I got an idea when I saw the hospital phone next to me. I figured, call this number. I have no idea what I was trying to achieve, or why I did it, but this is what happened next, to the best of my recollection. The number rang a few times, and I got through to an automated voice, you know, the pleasant automated lady voice that every bank and infomercial and call center on earth seem to use. It was normal at first, and I was just answering the random questions, (press one for English, press one or two for this or that, etc.)
There was a commercial on, for what, I do not know. This infomercial stuck out to me because the television stopped acting bizarre, and it was a clear picture. Something inside of me said “call the number”. I got an idea when I saw the hospital phone next to me. I figured, call this number. I have no idea what I was trying to achieve, or why I did it, but this is what happened next, to the best of my recollection. The number rang a few times, and I got through to an automated voice, you know, the pleasant automated lady voice that every bank and infomercial and call center on earth seem to use. It was normal at first, and I was just answering the random questions, (press one for English, press one or two for this or that, etc.)
After a minute or two of normalcy, normalcy became
far from normal. My Reality and Truth
which I know today was changed I believe in the moments that followed. This remains the most astounding, profound,
sublime, incredible, ineffable thing I have ever experienced or seen - this is my personal "road to Damascus". And I’ve not been sheltered; I’ve seen some
stuff in my life. This blew them all out
of the water, times one hundred.
This is where my story gets truly bizarre. I know I sound crazy and this story sounds
crazy, the doctors thought I was crazy and family thinks I was crazy. My wife thought I was crazy when I first told
her (I met her about two years post-experience), and I still sometimes think
maybe the doctors and everybody was right, I’m just nuts. But I experienced this. I know what happened. I remember the feeling I had. I had never been psychotic or suffered
schizophrenic or psychotic symptoms before, EVER. I
believe now this was no psychosis, this was beyond what man, in our finite
understanding of the world around us, can explain.
What happened
was after I had pressed a button, the automated voice continued talking, but
the subject had changed. The voice said,
“Do you believe in God” press 1 for yes, 2 for no. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I thought I may have misheard what the voice
said, and my hands began to shake. What
in the world is going on? I thought I
was crazy so I pressed 2, No I do not believe in a God! (remaining defiant to
the Deity even when He’s on the phone with you, now THAT’s rebellion! – just think,
Lucifer dwelled with God in paradise and rebelled, so why would a sinful man be
any different?) The voice repeated, the
question, “Do you believe in God? Press
1 for yes, 2 for no. This time I pressed
1, because I had no idea what was going on.
I was positive I was going crazy and I was going to call the nurse in
but I felt compelled to continue. Again
the voice asked the same question, but this time the tone became different from
the regular automated voice, the voice spoke with authority and as if it had a purpose.
The voice changed from the regular automated lady, to a stern, serious,
monotone, gender-neutral otherworldly sounding voice... This time also another difference,
the voice now used my name, “Jason, do you believe in God?” Now things were getting scary, I was
sweating, I was shaking, I was feeling like I was losing my mind, and I had no
idea if I was crazy or if God had in fact answered my prayer in a wild, totally
bizarre and unique way. We are talking
about the God who spoke to a Prophet through a Donkey, we are talking of the
God who spoke to St. Paul the Apostle in a blinding light on the Road to
Damascus, we are talking of the God who spoke an entire Universe into
existence, we are talking of the God who spoke from the sky, booming with a
voice like thunder, we are talking about the God who spoke to people for 33
years in the flesh on earth in the person of Jesus Christ. Why would this Omnipotent, Omniscient,
Omnilingual, Immanent, Transcendent, Unique and Ubiquitous God not speak to His
creation in whatever way He very well pleases?
When the voice now said, “Jason, do you believe in God? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no. I couldn’t believe
what was happening, I was shaking and I wanted to hang-up, but I couldn’t, I
started to believe I may actually be speaking to GOD, on the TELEPHONE no less! Finally I pressed 1, yes, I believe in God. The voice went silent, and I’d think to
myself, I’m going absolutely crazy, what in the world am I doing? Hang up the phone. When I’d think this, the voice would come
back, and repeat, in ever more solemn tones, “Jason! Do you believe in God? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.” I pressed one, and the voice stopped – as long
as I didn’t doubt. As SOON as I started
thinking “I’m crazy, this isn’t happening Gods not real – anything of the sort,
the voice would return, and repeat the same question, in a more solemn and
profound tone. Again, when I started having
doubts, the voice would continue in a more solemn, more urgent voice, “Jason!
do you believe in God? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no", and this went on for at
least 10 minutes. After I had pressed
one, and kept saying in my mind over and over again I BELIEVE IN GOD, because
if I started doubting, the voice would come over repeat His question, and He
was sounding angrier each time, like, “Jason, I’m God and I’m on the phone with
you, why are you doubting?”, it’s like Peter, seeing Jesus walking on water,
and doubting, and Jesus saying Peter, stop doubting for goodness sakes! This happened for a while, over and over and
over, until I believed in my heart and mind, and then when I was repeating in
my mind over and over I believe, I believe, I believe, the voice stopped. I couldn’t stop repeating in my head “I believe
in God, I believe in God, I believe in God” because at this point I was
scared. I was scared because I realized
that the OMNIPOTENT GOD TRULY EXISTS! It
was an absolutely TERRIFYING realization.
I think I drove myself crazy by saying I believe in God over and over so
much, and the religious ecstasy that this experience brought on contributed to
it, along with the spiritual warfare happening in the background. I now was a believer. I now believed in God. I hung up the phone.
I could not believe what had just happened. God exists.
We are not alone on Earth. God
actually truly exists. When the
Scriptures say “God spoke in various ways in times past to prophets, and speaks
to us today by His Son” they don’t lie.
None of the Bible is a lie. God
is no lie and Jesus is His Truth, anyone who says otherwise is absolutely
foolish, because I was ignorant before this point and knew not God through the
Scriptures. Since reading the Scriptures
since my experience though, it has become blatantly obvious Jesus Christ is the
Truth, and the Church has been teaching the Truth for over 2,000 years, but
people don’t want Truth, they want darkness, not Light. God can speak to us in a thousand ways. He can speak to us on the phone. He can speak to us through people. He can speak to us through situations in our
lives. He can speak to us in an audible
voice. He can speak to us through the
voice in our conscience, the Holy Spirit saying “I really shouldn’t drink, or I
really shouldn’t be angry” but since God gives us free will to choose, we can
choose to ignore His Good inspiration, and give in to our own will or the will
of the devils. He can speak in dreams,
He can speak in visions. He can speak to
you right now through this writing. God
is the LIVING GOD. His Word is
alive. Jesus Christ speaks to you every
time you hear the Gospel. We must learn
and understand this.
The next week was spent recovering in the hospital, and I thought constantly what happened to me, trying to make sense of it. I could sense the immortal Mighty Spirit of God dwelling in everybody around me, driving them. I never sensed people as being anything but biochemical highly evolved chimps. Now I felt they were imbued with an eternal spirit given by God and were each unique people made in the Image of God. And don’t take my comment to try and trump me up as a young earth creationist or any fringe Christian group I believe in the Big Bang (which a Catholic Priest formulated, by the way), I believe the Universe is about 13.8 billion years old, I believe the Earth is around 4.54 billion years old, I believe life exploded on earth during the “Cambrian explosion” and that about 2 million years ago hominids appeared in the fossil record. I also believe God created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (the Paradise of Pleasure, in the Greek and Latin). Scripture does not teach science, science does not teach Scripture. Scripture and science should never contradict, they should only compliment. If they contradict, our finite and limited understanding is misunderstanding either God or His creation. I just wanted to clear that little fact up.
I felt as though God
was speaking to me through various people in the hospital. I ended up talking to the hospital chaplain
and telling him I talked to God – he was not the type of man who believes that
God can speak to people, he is a one of the new liberal types, the types who
believe that Moses didn’t write the Pentateuch, that Matthew and Mark didn’t
write their Gospels, or that Jesus doesn’t truly become present in the bread
and wine at consecration. Liberalism and
modernism are dangerous, and some of the biggest dangers our Church faces
today. Anyway, he told the doctors I was
making up stories and possibly hearing voices.
Against my will, because I felt perfectly sound of mind and normal -
They pumped me full of anti-psychotic drugs and I had yet another bad reaction,
and ended up in a full blown psychosis, at one point proclaiming that I,
myself, was Jesus Christ. I believe these drugs they pumped me full of, allowed
the spirits that were obviously surrounding me, a door to enter into my body,
and because of this, they made the doctors believe what they’ve made the world
believe – spirits don’t exist, demons, angels, don’t exist, heaven, hell,
purgatory are figments of the human imagination, and God is a byproduct of
human evolution which gave us hope for our loved ones and ourselves upon
death. Several hours (maybe days) were
spent handcuffed to a hospital bed, being pumped full of anti-psychotic drugs
and god knows what else, and fighting hospital staff because I was being
treated as a threat and given so many drugs which had significant negative
effects on my mind, body and soul.. The next week was spent recovering in the hospital, and I thought constantly what happened to me, trying to make sense of it. I could sense the immortal Mighty Spirit of God dwelling in everybody around me, driving them. I never sensed people as being anything but biochemical highly evolved chimps. Now I felt they were imbued with an eternal spirit given by God and were each unique people made in the Image of God. And don’t take my comment to try and trump me up as a young earth creationist or any fringe Christian group I believe in the Big Bang (which a Catholic Priest formulated, by the way), I believe the Universe is about 13.8 billion years old, I believe the Earth is around 4.54 billion years old, I believe life exploded on earth during the “Cambrian explosion” and that about 2 million years ago hominids appeared in the fossil record. I also believe God created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (the Paradise of Pleasure, in the Greek and Latin). Scripture does not teach science, science does not teach Scripture. Scripture and science should never contradict, they should only compliment. If they contradict, our finite and limited understanding is misunderstanding either God or His creation. I just wanted to clear that little fact up.
Eventually, from what was told to me, the Hospital I was at had given up on me and having to handcuff me to the bed every day to keep me from beating the daylights outta hospital staff (reminiscent of the demoniac and the seven sons of sceva, I believe I was being heavily oppressed by demonic spirits). I believe there was literally a battle between angels and demons going on in that hospital room for my soul. They would influence people and things around me in ways that leave me 100% convinced me that spirits control the world, and since God is the Lord of the Heavenly Armies, it really is the Lord Almighty who runs all things. The police were brought in and I was handcuffed plus leg shackled and led to a police Van where I was transported from St. Joseph Hospital in Nashua to the New Hampshire State Hospital in Concord about the first week of November, 2010). When I got there, my psychosis had convinced me the hospital staff were all possessed by demons and I spent the next 4 hours literally in a padded room, at random times having 8 or 10 psychiatric nurses and mental health workers have to come in and tackle me (I’m 6' tall and 220 pounds, and strong, and when in a fully psychotic state believing I was being attacked by demons, possibly literally being attacked by demons - you can imagine what they head to put up with, I actually punched a couple of them – which led to “in-house” charges being brought before a magistrate, but nothing came of it because I was so obviously besides myself but they didn’t press charges), and shoot me up with psychotropic drugs.
I finally calmed down halfway and one of the MHW's (mental health workers) convinced me he was just a person and not a demon or any supernatural being. I was let out of the padded room and given a regular room. I spent the night in a clouded, foggy haze, trying to put all the pieces together of what had happened to me over the past few weeks, and what was legitimate mental health problems and psychosis, along with what could have caused it, and also what spiritual things happened. (And now, years later, with much learning and wisdom granted me by God, I believe I spoke to the Angel of the LORD on the phone, I believe it was the same Angel of the LORD that spoke in the Old Testament and still speaks on occasion today. And I believe I had an NDE type experience, but the memory of that is almost completely faded, and only God knows if I will ever know more of it in this life, or will not know the truth of it all until I pass into the Heavenly Realm.
The next morning I woke up a shivering mess - I had a clear head and could hear people talking to me, but I was basically a vegetable - I drooled on myself, I shook from head to toe with intense tremors, I felt physically worse than I ever felt in my life, I could barely talk more than a couple words (ok, yes, no, love you - to my mom). This reminded me of the Gospels, when deaf and dumb spirits enter people, or “come upon them”, and before Jesus would cast them out, they would throw the afflicted person to the ground, and they would seize and gnash their teeth and hunch over into twisted positions. The naturalistic, secular, probably agnostic-atheist-apatheist doctors with all their PhD’s and degrees and wisdom of this world, could not figure out what was wrong with me. They tried various drugs and the drugs had no effect. Nothing they gave me made anything worse or better at all. I believe this was because a demonic agent was locked onto me and causing these ailments in my body. The Doctors suspected brain damage, concluded I may never return to my normal self and be left permanently a ‘vegetable’, and if I didn’t take anti-psychotic drugs such as Risperdal or olanzapine (Zyprexa) the rest of my life, I would surely go psychotic and have delusions and hallucinations. 6 weeks later I stopped taking all antipsychotic medicines, and I recovered fully and was fully back to normal by New Year’s 2011.
I stayed in the NHH for 2 weeks until I was declared sane enough to be released to a drug rehabs psychiatric unit in Brattleboro VT. I went there, and I refused to take the Risperdal (the anti-psychotic they had prescribed) anymore, because I knew I was not psychotic anymore and I was not in need of anti-psychotic drugs. Within 3 days of stopping the Risperdal, and starting a new medication called Zyprexa, I "miraculously" recovered and was once again completely normal - sane, lucid, not shaking or drooling, not brain damaged or brain dead, like the doctors had told my parents and scared them to death with, twice. The Zyprexa I believe did nothing for me, because I stopped taking it after 1 week on it, against doctors’ advice, they said I’d have delusions and hallucinations because I’m psychotic and need antipsychotics to not hallucinate or think delusional. Well it’s too bad religion isn’t in the DSM-V (at least not yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if the DSM-VI lists traditional religious beliefs – beliefs in angels, demons, heaven, hell, purgatory, God, Satan, the supernatural, miracles, Jesus, the Virgin Mary – will be classified as delusions – I believe this is going to happen because our society is systematically removing any and all references to religion and God and replacing it with “religious pluralism” and “religious tolerance”, saying “all religions are true” even though that’s an illogical statement because most religions, especially the big three Abrahamic religions, seriously contradict each other. Only one religion is absolutely, 100% true about God. That religion is Catholicism, the teachings of the 2,000 year old, 1 and ½ billion member strong religion that has ruled history and shaped modern history, the arts, literature, everything, is True Religion, and the reason why is because it is based on the True God, Jesus Christ, and the True Sacrifice He made, and the True Priesthood established by Aaron and continued down through to the Pharisees who trained the early Church in its theology and ecclesiology and the Apostles and Fathers inherited the teachings from Jesus and the Apostles and have faithfully passed them down to us today.
I ended up going to a 30 day in patient rehab program, and the entire time I was there I was encountering people talking to me through the Holy Spirit, I had several times where I would be praying to see Gods presence (I was a brand new Christian, and recovering from a lifetime of Atheism, remember this) and I would open my eyes, and see a homeless man standing there, close my eyes, open them again and he'd be gone. Everywhere I looked, I saw signs from God and I was constantly reminded that everything is determined and everything unfolds according to Gods Will - Not Mans as I had so believed my entire life. I prayed for God to keep reminding me of his presence and not let me grow from him. I did not comprehend Christianity fully and did not understand how Sin separates us from God and makes our hearts grow hard.
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